I’ve been making excuses about why I haven’t written a new piece for the last week or so, mainly because I’ve been ‘too busy’. But really I’ve had a sort of writer’s block and my head has been mad so not really known what to write about. So, I’m going to tell you a bit about what’s going on at the moment and how I’m TRYING to cope with it.
A couple of weeks ago I was dumped. It wasn’t a bad breakup, it was heartbreaking at the time but I’ve come to terms with it and have taken it as a sign from my Higher Power that I have some stuff that I actually need to sort out that I’ve been ignoring. One of the main things I’ve been struggling to come to terms with and accept is that I have an eating disorder – I don’t know which bracket I would be put in, but I have mainly been restricting my eating or occasionally binge eating. Ridiculous I know because I’m a Chef. I’m not scared of food, I’m scared of getting fat again. In the last year I’ve lost 3 and a half stone, which all started from giving up the booze and I felt great but has now become an obsession to lose more. I’ve now lost too much weight and people are commenting on it and worrying about me so I’ve finally admitted it that yes, I have ANOTHER bloody issue and I need to sort it before, God forbid, it gets any worse. One of the main triggers is that I have horrendous body dysmorphia, meaning that I look in the mirror and I still see myself as fat and look like I’ve lost no weight, which is all a total lie that my Fuck Head is feeding me. I know it’s a lie because my bones are protruding; I have bruises down my spine, shoulder blades and hips and I’m fitting in to size 6-8 clothes which I’ve never had before, I totally skipped those sizes growing up!
I’m moving out of the flat my parents have been living in to live on my own without family which is a huge step and been causing huge amounts of anxiety. I think I’ve been panicking because I’ve gained everyone’s trust again over the last year that I’m not going to drink, I haven’t been smoking weed and I’m not trying to get attention from men, but because of everything that’s been going on with the eating, breakup and other bits and bobs I am now worrying about not trusting myself. I KNOW I’m going to be fine and can handle it all, I just need to stay open, honest and willing to keep getting myself better.
I’ve been working hard a few days a week in a restaurant in London which has been so good for me, I’m doing what I love and cooking Asian fusion foods which I totally adore, I work with really cool people and it’s been keeping me distracted from my Fuck Head. I’ve been trying to do some cooking at home and some experimenting. I had Sabrina Ghayour’s new book Sirocco delivered last week (BEST DAY EVER!!) and cooked a simple sups for my Mumma and I from the book and I’ve been doing some more research in to water kefir and kombucha. So far, I have made two kefirs – one blood orange flavoured and the other raspberry flavoured, and just finished my first batch of kombucha which I used green tea from The Lost Tea Company who are introducing Burmese tea to London. They’ve been really theraputic to make and taste great, though I have to be very careful with the fermenting times because they can turn alcoholic if left for too long and well, I don’t need or want to go back down that slippery slope again!
Benefits of Water Kefir.
Water Kefir is made with water kefir grains that are a combination of different natural yeasts and bacteria which when mixed with sugar water, juice or coconut water culture and produce this amazing probiotic drink. Though the kefir is made using sugar and water, the enzymes in the bacteria and yeasts feed off the sugar so technically, though it is still sometimes sweet tasting, it isn’t unhealthy sugars that you’re drinking as the enzymes have gobbled them all up. The main health benefits from water kefir are that it can help really boost your immune system (which with mental health is easily knocked!), it helps with your digestion and especially good for any gut illnesses such as IBS and Crohns, it helps you get a healthy glow back in your skin, hair and nails (dreamy!), helps detox the liver and most importantly helps relieve and calm depression and boosts your energy levels and overall makes you feel better in yourself. You can also dry out your kefir grains and blend them up and add them to a smoothie or put in a salad to get an extra probiotic kick. Water kefir shouldn’t be drunk in large amounts at the beginning as it will take your body a little while to get used to them so for now I just drink about two or 3 mouthfuls (not glugs!) and then build up slowly from there, just listen to what your body is telling you.
Benefits of Kombucha.
Kombucha is made by fermenting an organic tea base (green, black or white tea) with a Scoby (mother culture made of yeasts and bacterias, same same but different to the water kefir grains). Again, like water kefir, kombucha has great health benefits. Some of the main ones include preventing (and sometimes curing) cancer and detoxing the liver, helps look after your joints and ease arthritis (it helps maintain tissue structure in cartilage), boosts immune system, helps digestion and gut illnesses and again, most importantly helps ease depression and lift moods and energy levels.
There are many places that you can buy water kefir grains and kombucha scobys online, one recommended place is Happy Kombucha who have all the kit, recipes, info that you need to get brewing and fermenting. Right now, my main aim with the water kefir and kombucha is to see what it does for my mental health which is in need of a lot of help at the moment and it’s been proved to help ease depression and anxiety so lets see how I go. Give it a try too, it’s not hard to do if you follow the instructions and you have a delicious drink at the end of it.